Me too!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
