I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
