Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
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