Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
