If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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