I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
