Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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