Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
