my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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