Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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