A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Randomize
