Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
