Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
