New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
