In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I am spending my child support on dildos
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
