My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
