Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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