Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
