I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I love you. Go after that dick
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
