Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
