I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
