Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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