Sry I called you an 8
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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