hell yes lets make some ravioli
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
