I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
