Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
