winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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