Sacagawea was the original milf.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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