I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
