the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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