my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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