that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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