Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
