I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The uberlube is also flammable
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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