Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
