You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
