I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
