There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
