she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
