What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
