He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
