she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
