We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
