Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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