Porn is love you can see.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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