i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
