I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
