Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
