You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
