after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I use my feet as sexual weapons
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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