What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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