I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
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