Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
did you just send me my own nude
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
