I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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