I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
