we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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