I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he thought i was a dude.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
