You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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